girl with the crooked smile

2006-05-02T04:42:00.000-07:00

when I said i was ballooning? I didnt take myself seriously. Till now. I am fucking fat. I can see 2 rolls of fat happily squishing each other when i sit down. oh lord.

But. I am still fucking eating!!!!!!! I hate myself. No control over my stupid cravings. and as I am typing? I am enjoying my wonderful fresh banana ice cream from island creamery. It rocks man!! you guys have to try it!!! YuMMY.

ok now I am bloody bloated. screw it.

suddenly i feel really bored. I need something fun in my life.

til i find that fun element in life? Let me sleep.

was never.and will never be.

2006-04-24T03:55:00.000-07:00

so for the past month I've been dreaming. In a dreamland. nothing is ever what it seems huh. Or maybe its that I already know of the outcome yet I stubbornly clung on. I don't regret clinging on. but. The truth is so obvious before me. And I've been so blind. so ignorant. i have been thinking too much. I need to stop. my brain doesn't listen. so difficult. why is it that whenever I like someone, it never never NEVER works out? Yes i know this time is a little difficult. but all i wanted was just to............................ well. I wish things were different. you are just not right for me. remember? wrong. its just wrong.

there was never an us. there'll never be an us.

so much for all the nothing huh.

20/4/2006 - sunny, rainy and cool.

2006-04-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

Today would most probably be the best day of the week. I had a really nice day. It doesn't take much to make me happy. haha.

Woke up at 730. Died trying to wake up. haha. I usually go to school at 1130! So this morning was pretty early.. I hate waking up. I like to laze on the bed cause I am juz too lazy. hahaha. well. I HAD to wake up or Siew Yuan will KILL me. I am always late for project even though I live so near to sch and she lives so far. So for a change, I try to be on time.

I was pretty much on time. Ok. Maybe late for about 3 minutes or so. OK. Doesn't matter. Anyway, we were supposed to go to the water reclamation plants [ WRP ] in Singapore for collection of sewage water!!! For our project of course. Isolation of Bacteriophage for those of you who haven't know about it. So, the dirtier the better. Ok. Yuan drove us!!!!!!! hahahha. It was an adventure!!! She looked up the internet on directions of the WRPs the night before and I was reading them to her in the car. Damn cool k!! Who says women sucked at driving!! Our yuan was PRO! hahaha. Felt like it was my mom driving instead. hahhaa. Anyway, her driving seriously not bad. At least i felt safe. HAHAHA. yeah. So we went to Jurong WRP first. That one super easy. We handed them the tubes for cllection and they disappeared for 15 minutes before reappearing again with the water samples!!! YAY!! Fast and easy. We didnt even go into the plant. We were juz slacking at the office. And then Yuan cleverly parked her car in the WRP GM's parking space. The GM fucking pissed. NO la. hahaha. nothing much la. He juz talked to Yuan abit, asking about our project and stuff. then, We were off with the samples!!

Next. Seletar WRP. We weren't supposed to go? We didn't really fix an appointment with the manager but he juz called at about 10 am and asked us to go down. So off we went. Got a little lost after we exited the BKE at mandai road. We turned into Kranji industrail park!!! messy. Anyway, I called my dad and got the right directions and we sped off to Seletar WRP. DAMN FAR. hahaha. the road to SWRP seems never ending. Anyway, we finally reached after 45 minutes of driving ( yes i know very long but it wasn't easy finding our way there considering the fact that we don't know the roads of sg very well. I am so proud of us. ) and we were greeted by a REALLY friendly manager. he has the hots for yuan I think. EEEEEEEEEEEE!!! he's at least 45 k. He kinda scolded his colleague for driving too fast and actually accused him of not collecting the water properly ( as in like collect the surface of the water only. ) for us. EW. I wouldn't do that for 2 girls. Even if I were really a lecherous ah pek. anyway, SWRP was pretty easy too. We followed the guy in our car and he got us the sample. EASILY DONED.

Yuan's friendly manager kindly directed us to the ayer don't know what what what place roti prata. We had lunch there. I was bloody hungry. I had a chicken briyani rice. The serving was super BIG. Cost 7 bucks. SO EX. Yuan eat 2 kosong. cheap cheap 2.70 nia plus drink. yeayea. then we got on to the road for yet another perilous journey. ha!

Kim Chuan WRP was next. The smelliest. YES. and after the food, we were all so lethargic. And we had to walk to get the samples ourselves. KCWRP - voted the worse WRP in sg. enough said.

Bedok WRP. same crap. Not that smelly but had to walk under the hot hot sun to the places to get the samples. as bad as KCWRP. ok. maybe a nanobit better. after the whole trip, I couldn't take it. I snoozed in the car while my 'mom' drove us back to sch.

yuan was so happy to reach sch again. Only she knows why. Peeeeeeebeeeeeee.

We finished up with some lab work and were done for the day. yay!

Ok. my day ends there but evening was juz about to start! Went to meet pei jia. eat with her and talked cock with her! haha. fun night. I love walking. aways have. Makes it all the better to walk with her. From heeren all the way to the botanical gardens. considered short distance I guess. I talked to her about 'samurai champloo' (thats an anime all of u dumb asses.) and its soundtrack. I must say the sound track rocks. Very easy listening music. go listen to it or something. I let her listen to the ost and she liked it too! yea samurai champloo rocks. watch it. walking was great man. we went to the botanical garden. omg. the sky was cloudless and I could see so many stars. So nice. then there was this lonely swan gliding around the lake. poor chap. pei jia and cynthia named it Dawn. so its a female? unknown. Well. doesn't matter. Its cute. I am so going back there!

there. My wonderful 20/4/2006.

ballooning.

2006-04-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

I really like to eat. I am sure u all know that. And its not so good for me. I've been pigging out so much lately that my waist looks pretty much out of shape! OMG. But i still cant help it!!! I want food!! Food makes me feel so good!!!! NYDC mudpies, cakes, baked rice!! Holland V nasi Lemak, laksa, oyster omelette's minus the oyster [ haha. I know! ], Island creamery's wonderful burnt caramel, fresh banana, reverso, mudpie, eskimo pie, and so much more! Coffee bean's eggs ben, ice blends!! SIM food court's dumpling soup, oily chicken rice, chicken cutlet rice!! so much more that if I name now I think I won't be able to resist and I'll cab down to those places to eat! haha. no la... thats too extreme but........... I am so hungry now!!!! And I already ate the SIM dumpling soup an hour ago!! WAH. A mudpie will be so good now. ARGH!!!!!!

Then I gotta constantly remind myself. "Yinghui! Your out-of-shape waist!!!" then I'll bury myself under my blanket and think " mudpie, icecream, nasi lemak, baked rice, laksa, chicken wing, more ice cream, more mud pies, more everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Then faints.

I hang out at NYDC @ holland V so regularly that the people working there knows me! OMG. Wonder if I'll get any free mudpie if I get to know them. *tee hee* ARGH. stop it. and you know what? I went to the Island Creamery last night and I got a free scoop of fresh banana because i wanted it and the tub had less than a scoop left. so the waitress decided to give it to me for free!!! Such a nice girl!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I am dying to go have ice cream again. but I shall SURVIVE!!! EVIL DARTH FOOD!! YOU SHALL NEVER GET ME!!!!!

right.

girls do stupid stuff.

2006-04-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

omg. hahahha. this is madness. and girls do stupid stuff when they have a crush. so did I. OMG? How do I say this. ARGH. The thing is......... when you blog? U cant always say what you want to say. So......... i chance upon someone's blog which was talking about him. and I told him what i read in that blog. and this someone found out because of his big mouth. And apparently that someone is kinda....... erm. pissed? I dunno. maybe embarrassed? And its my fault. shit. I feel stupid now. OKAY. maybe no one understand swhat I'm trying to say??? BUT I feel so stupid now. arghhh. I should have kept my mouth shut. If the truth unfolds, I'll look like a fucking idiot.

burnt. charred. chow ta. black.

2006-04-13T06:23:00.000-07:00

I'm really playing with fire. I know but cant help it. I think i'll be burnt to death.

tra la la

2006-04-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

lets juz say I am fucking confused now. because I am. arghhh. So hard to say things.

A story i found in my previous blog.

2006-04-07T04:23:00.000-07:00

The little leaf watched as the cars whizzed by. She hung dangerously on the weak branch which was swaying violently on the tree. All the other leaves chatted gayly, oblivious to the little leaf who was falling. A look of panic skitted across her face as she realised she was falling."Nooooooooooo!"she screamed. Nobody noticed her."ooff!"The little leaf cried out in pain as she landed on the rough surface of the road. Tears spilled from the corners of her eyes. But little did she know that more pain was to come.The traffic light a metre away turned green.The leaf's eyes widen in horror as she realised she was going to be trampled by the shiny smoking monsters.She could only watch on in horror and in pain as the garguantan black wheels crushed down on her brittle edges, chipping her life away."Help!!"The little leaf looked around frantically searching for an aid. But nobody saw her pathetic plight.Save for a young girl in a stationery car from another side of the road.The young girl watched on as the little leaf repeatedly got trampled and blown to the side of the road. She couldn't help but felt sad for the little leaf.That little leaf didn't deserve this terrible treatment. But neither did the young girl. Life was filled with troubles and sadness for the young girl. In reality, the young girl was just like the little leaf.The car the young girl was in roared to life after a while. The young girl gave a last look as her father drove the car off, leaving the little leaf alone again.

can u imagine? I use to write like this? SAD. PESSIMISTIC. AND GOOD ENGLISH OF COURSE. LOOK AT MY BLOODY ENGLISH NOW MAN.

then I also found this:

My heart was thumping so loud my ears are hurting. He was juz standing there. "dun look." I told myself. I didn't. He walked past me without even looking at me. My heart fell. The furious thumpings ceased. I squatted down on the spot where i was standing. He's gone.

probably refering to an old crush I had when I was in secondary school. hmmmm. Its time to read more n improve my english. I used to be a bookworm. read and read and read like there was no tomorrow.

burning.

2006-04-05T21:07:00.000-07:00

OK. I totally regret my last entry. I am the one thats dumb. YES. YES. I mean........ its alright to not reply someone's msg anyway right? Yea. I am dumb and I'm sorry I ever said he was rude cuz he's not. And I was pretty rude to say that about him.. so. Ok. anyway, I guess that he didnt reply is either because he was busy? or thinking if he should reply. Afterall, he does think I am pretty young. and ************. ho ho ho. anyway, he replied la. we dined together again. hmmmm. I am taking things pretty slowly now. but still.........................................................yea. haha. damn it!!! I am missing out on the details. sorry!

streetmap

2006-04-02T07:04:00.000-07:00

Streetmap - Athlete

[ thanks peter ]

I would like to think our paths are straight

Disconnected from choices we make

That there is no reason why it can't be like you said

One day it's gonna happen

I dont know whenI'll be on your street

But I know one day it's gonna happen

You're gonna be swept off your feet

I would like someone to make a map

Mark my home and draw some lines that match

All of the reasons why

It can be like you said

One day It's gonna happen

I don't know whenI'll be on your street

But I know one day it's gonna happen

You're gonna be swept off your feet

I dont know when

I dont know why

I dont know when

I dont know why

One day It's gonna happen

I don't know when

I'll be on your street

But I know one day it's gonna happen

You're gonna be swept off your feet

But all that I know is it's gonna happen

I dont know when

I'll be on your street

But I know it's gonna happen

Your gonna be swept off your feet

I believe that one day, this really wonderful girl will sweep you off your feet. And I'll be truly happy for you. Its time to move on and not linger anymore. because I am not worth it. You have your friends who care so much for you. Your life is yours to control now. Not mine anymore. I was mean to you all the time. Get a better life. Because u deserve it. And I wish the best for you no matter what you are doing.

goodbye heart cuz I caught fire.

2006-03-29T03:54:00.000-08:00

You know. Sometimes I am juz so tired of people telling me what to do. Trying to protect me from the harm and all. The truth is, if I don’t experience it, I’ll never know what its about. I’ll never learn. So I just want to say I know what I’m doing. As long as its not harmful to anyone or anything. Or law breaking. I ‘ll be fine. I have been so sheltered and I don’t want my life to be this way forever.

My feelings are clear to me and to all my good friends, I’ll be fine. So don’t worry. I’ll update on this to people who cares. So thanks.

Its been ages since I feel this way about someone. And everytime I do, it doesn't work at all! I feel so dizzy. I've never date anyone I like. God pls juz gimme a break? I love you and I am really sorry I don't pray anymore.

dinner with him was................fantastic. The moment we said goodbye I knew my heart was going on a never return journey. good bye heart. when its gone, I'm gonna die so slowly.

2006-03-25T02:40:00.000-08:00

Today is the start of something that I have never experience before. We didnt work out after all. I couldn't. It was terrible to argue and be rude to you all the time. We had so many heart to heart talks and I've dropped so many hints. You juz didnt get it. didnt try hard enough. we took each other for granted. I couldn't help but be irritated at you all the time. How can this continue? you are a really nice guy but we juz cant click anymore. I felt really upset about us all the time. After having my own space for a while I realise this is what I needed.

I feel like a part of myself is juz gone. You were a big part of my life. but I can't feel it that way anymore. It has nothing to do with anyone and you know it. I am a terrible girlfriend too. I am really sorry for everything. Hope u'll accept this and be the best buddy I left at Da Vinci.

V for Vendetta

2006-03-21T06:16:00.000-08:00

I watched V for vendetta today!! It rocked. I am so in love with V. He's so full of mystery and juz makes me go woobly. I always have a thing for mysterious men. The way he play with his knives got me to the edge of my seat!! He's juz hot. haha. Think if I tell fat batsard he'll tell me," eh. really no point."Hahaha. but still. V, I love you!! Natalie Portman is so lucky. She is juz cool man. Prettiest babe I've ever seen. Her young girl look in the movie was so hot! hahhaa. When she bowed I can help but laugh!! So cute! haha. Anyway, everyone has to watch V for Vendetta cuz it rocks. :)

After 1 year 11 moths and 21 days of missing out the feeling of having friends, I am now starting to make a new friend and meet up with my old friends. Why is it 1 year 11 months and 21 days? Because thats the amount of time I've been with him. I've been missing out on my social life, studies and MOST IMPORTANTLY, my friends. I miss all my frens and its time to met them again. :) I miss u all. Friends are to be treasured for life.

I took loads of photo on Sentosa day n I wanted to show u guys this friend who sleeps with me every night. I love him!!! too cute to resist.

This is called back stabbing. We do that all the time. We hate each other!

just kidding. we are best buds. I kiss him a lot n he hates it. he can't do anything though. he has short arms. too bad for him then.

sad unhappy vex angry = POWER SURGE IN BRAIN

2006-03-19T17:47:00.000-08:00

I am as above. And its hard to explain y. It juz happened all in one day. feel like screaming. feel like kicking people. ITS NOT MY PERIOD. REALLY.

I went to sentosa today. with him. I cant stand him AGAIN!!! what should I do? I am telling myself, "duh! this guy is absolutely not THE ONE." Its fucking obvious. I CAN'T stand him. I was blaming him for everything. I wasn't guilty. Juz pissed at him. For everything he does. It irritates me. The camera that i stole from my brother for one day suddenly low batt on me and I was posing at the merlion spot stupidly for like 5 mins juz waiting for him to take that DAMNED photo and at the end of the fugging 5 minutes, he finally said, " no batt." I was really irritated cuz I risked my life for the camera and yet it gave me some low batt crap. not his fault I know but I was just really...........................ARFFFFFFFFFFF. you know?

thats me before the stupid camera died. thanks ming kiat. merlion has no head.

Soon after we decided to get one of those one time cameras from a nearby kodak shop and things started to become smoother. Actually, thinking back? I know I'm such a stupid bitch. :/

we walk to the newly renovated part of Sentosa : Imbiah Outlook. Its cool. There were these sky chairs which we took. we sat on this chair with a single bar loosely securing us in our seat. It was so nice!! The cool breeze felt so wonderful. I started to feel so much better. We took pics and look at Siloso beach from our height; beautiful with the sun setting. but things soured again when we reached the beach.

I realised that I don't have enough money to continue to eat and play and he definitely has no money too. we took out the map and started scouring for the nearest ATM. we misinterpreted the map and ending up going up and down the beach without getting to the ATM. Along the way, I was telling him that I am not sure if we could be togther for that long. We were feeling kinda down as we kicked at the sand and pass all the hunks and babes playing beach volley ball.

As we walked further, we realised that we were reaching the bus stop that takes us back to the bus centre so we boarded the bus and went back to harbour front mall to have dinner. I was so fucking tired and hungry. We ate at Pastamania. My prawn and shroom linguine disappeared into my mouth in 3 minutes time. Once my stomach was filled, I felt so so so so so much better. I had ice cream too. banna and coffee. With those, I totally forgot about the POWER SURGE IN THE BRAIN.

Well, this saying is really true huh.

A hungry woman is an angry woman.

going home was like getting to Sentosa. ALL SMILES. like this.

except that the pic is really getting there and not going home. see the crooked smile?

I'll try harder I swear.

24th march 2006.

We had many chances but it didnt work out. try harder next time when u meet someone new. dun let her down.
I am sorry for being mean to you at times. things juz didnt work out. but u'll always be my best buddy.

I am a guy trapped in a girl's body???

2006-03-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

I shall go for a sex operation soon? hope i become handsome and cute looking guy like those hot japanese boys.

Well........ not exactly? eh........ I do think most people see me as a guy. haha. gopi told me once," you are juz like a guy la? I think I am going to treat you as a guy." hmmmm... Interesting idea. I THOUGHT. Its nice when guys treat you as a guy sometimes because they dun have to hold back when talking? I dun have to too. I don't have to think and juz spit out the words? EH. Its not wise I know. haha. but sometimes things can get a little ugly because guys do slap each other about [ because they are dumb and what separates me from them is that I am SMART. ]and I get slapped around too. Excuse me all. Please look at appearances. I am weak and frail and small. If you actually use full force I could fly to Hong Kong, crawling around for some shopping. So look at me again when you are about to whack my back while I am not looking.

Still, I am very sorry to say that I dun like to really behave like a girly girl. Its irritating to keep thinking in my mind, " don't say fuck. Don't laugh like a hyena. don't jump around like a monkey. don't talk so loud that people 5 feet away can hear what you are saying. don't swing your arms when walking. don't this don't that." Its juz hard.

I would like to be myself if you don't mind. I do hear people saying, " can you please behave like a girl?" well, I am saying now that I CAN'T. I may dress like a girl. Have boobs have wadever guys dun have and girls supposed to have, but I like to kick guys. kick their balls. kick their ass. [ really I do. In fact I really enjoy it. It gives me PLEASURE. hehehe. ] I like to have a verbal exchange. [ although I lose mostly. ] It really helps improve my vocabulary. *smiles sweetly like a girl*

Yes, please joke with me like I am a man. Come let me kick your balls. BUT please DON'T kill me with your fists.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone

2006-03-13T22:01:00.000-08:00

I am no longer confused i guess. I do love you and I plan to until the day I decide not to anymore. hahaha. which could be anytime. hehehe. you better watch out. Don't try to cheat on me with your bed.

I stalked him yesterday!!! just in case he had an affair with his bed in the company. I checked up on his company's website and look for the address. THEN!!! I walk there all by myself!!! ok. I did ask a lady la. anyway, I am juz smart and thats the main point. By the time I reached, he knocked off!! I called him and we met up. :) Its like mommy picking her boy up from sch. I am a good mother!!

We went to fairprice and bought some yummy stuff that we can cook when he stays over on Friday night. smiles. cant wait. miss him loads. la la la la la.... SENTOSA ON SATURDAY!!!

SHIT? Think I slack too much?? I have start on my reports at all. I am so died.

I am the one who's confused

2006-03-12T21:29:00.000-08:00

MARINA SQUARE has such a massive make over?? super BIG now. even got a mini runway fashion show. its temporarily there i think. spent the whole saturday with him. supposed to go for Ricky's play but he didnt want n we hardly spend time together anymore. So we skipped the play n went out. ate at coffe club. slippery lobster linguine was heavenly. The knock out desert---> chocolate fondue. It made my period less painful. imagine tat. It rocks. took a little walk to The Esplanade or Esplanard? zzz. anyway there was a jazz performance n the music was just great. something must be wrong with me cuz it was such a nice date yet i could not enjoy his company. why?

It bothers me that I feel "xin ku" when I'm with him. I couldn't meet him very often. even if we do meet on weekdays, its only for a really short while. Always looking forward to weekends do I can spend time with him. And look wad day is it today? MONDAY. I'll rot myself out n by the time i meet him, all he'll see is some smelly corpse. But then again, when I'm with him, I'll be irritated n quarrel with him over really stupid n nonexistance problems. I can't help it. What should I do. feel so stupid.

When I am with him I dun feel like he's glad to see me. he's always tired even on saturdays n sundays. I get so irritated when he sleeps on the bus when he's with me. We have nothing to talk about. feel like his body is here but the heart is juz miles alway on his bed under his blanket. snoring. Yes he is cute. cute face with pimples. nice tanned back. charming smile. all ends there though. I'm not looking for some cute boy with all the nice looks or wadever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just need someone who is in tune with me. same thoughts. same views on certain things. be able to be happy with him.

Its because we have been together for so long? wad if we juz realised we are not suitable for eachother? But....... I DO love him.... don't I?

I do but between now n then, its all so different right? this song is for you if you are [ even ] reading this.

jewel - break me

I will meet you

In some place

Where the light lends itself

To soft repose

I will let you undress me

But I warn youI have thorns

Like any rose

And you could hurt me

With your bare hands

You could hurt me

With with the sharp end

Of what you say

But I'm lost to you now

And there's noAmount of reason

That could save me

So break me

Take me

Just let me

Feel your arms again

Break me

I'll let you make me

Just let me

Feel your love again

Feels like being underwater

Now that I've let go

And lost control

Water kisses fill my mouth

Water fills my soul

So break meTake me

Just let me

Feel your arms again

Break meMake me

Just let me

Feel your love again

Kiss me once

Well, maybe twice

Oh, it never felt so nice

So break me

Take me

Let me

Feel your arms again

Break me

Make me

Just let me

Feel your arms again

Just let me

Feel your love again

Forgotten

2006-03-08T21:51:00.000-08:00

Remember the times when cds and discmans were hot? I dug out the cds i bought in secondary school! Not much cuz I was pretty poor. Anyone remembers SPLENDER? JARS OF CLAY? THE CALLING? SUGAR RAY? THE GOO GOO DOLLS? SEMISONIC? EVERCLEAR? [ well i dun have everclear. my fren loan it to me and I tot they were fantastic. ] EAGLE EYE CHERRY? [ dun have this either but he rocked the radio with 'save tonight' ] Where have all the good old bands gone to??? Don't tell me retire???!!! too young leh~~!!! hahaha.. but. They rocked except sugar ray. hahhahha. I kinda think they are too cheesy?

Splender, jars of clay and the calling were my favourite. Listening to them brings back memories.. and it feels good! I haven been listening to radio so I am not clear about the musi scene right now. I prefer rock to hip hop/rap. Fifty cent and some other fellow rappers juz love to rap about sex and stuff. Eh.... there is no point in it? But some of their music still sounds good and let people go wild on the dance floor. Eminem and his dissing of people? Think i'll give it a pass. But songs about his daughter were pretty sweet. still, he is pretty.................... ew.

Other than fifty cent and his sex sex sex, there are lots of hip hop music that rocks the scene of course!! black eye peas should be the greatest example? :) not that i condemn fifty cent. He has music that make hot ladies do their thing but i sure cant do anything when i hear it!!! hahaha.. well everyone has their own tastes and stuff and those were my thoughts of music!!!

holidays shat on me

2006-03-08T06:38:00.000-08:00

I should have juz shut up and rotted away. Because now, I am burdened by 4 enormously fugly reports. And I haven't the slighest idea of how to start the damn reports. God help me. Argh.

The trip to tioman... that i planned with my frens for quite a while is "poofed" i think. No one wants to go now. I am sad, disappointed and highly irritated. Everyone WAS like "weeeeeeee!!! YAY!!! we are going to TIOMAN and stuff. " and now its juz..... not happening. well. big shit head didnt want to go because he has no money. Ah maa wants to go on a trip with her dad to Moscow which is........ a chance [I admit] I wouldn't miss too. Right. since its nobody's fault n that I have a load of shat to do......................I'll juz................go on a shopping spree? yay.

well. Actually, I am starting to think that Tioman hates me. I've been trying to go there for 2 sem's break and none happened. I'll rape u one day Tioman.

yay. a tagboard finally.

mummify me

2006-03-07T05:46:00.000-08:00

now that exams have ended, i cant help but feel kinda bored. In fact i am so bored that i think i'm decomposing. I've rotten myself inside out. I spend the whole of monday juz lying on the bed n surfing the net. I was feeling so shitty. Wanted to go for a swim but I was afraid the chlorine with dry my hair ends and they'll look fried once again. Really wished that i could take out my hair, go for my swim then reattach them again.

If things cant get any worse, here's another shit arrangment. my boyfriend is now on attachment and he cant meet me at all. It sucks cuz it juz contributes to all the rotting. I can now go rot with my new toy - a recycled gift from my boyfriend's sis. [ she was about to throw it away, because tat was a gift from her ex, when i saved it. I'm such a hero. ]A Mashimaru which is almost half my body length. My mom couldn't tell it was a rabbit and insisted its a bear because if its eyes and nose. Due to her violent tendencies, my Marshimaru had suffer quite a lot. All the punching n kicking, its juz so sad. *smoulders it with kisses* Adds on to its suffering i know. but resistance is fultile. too cute.

zzz. will my tioman trip be cancelled once again? It was supposed to be a stealth team trip but big shit head [ there's been a change of name. Big dick head is now known as big shit head ] wants to give it a miss. disappointment. well. guess he's not called shit head for nothing. everyone's name of course suits their character, juz like mine which i decline to mention in this entry.

Drops Of Jupiter - Train

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere

With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey

She acts like summer and walks like rain

Reminds me that there’s time to change, hey, hey

Since the return from her stay on the moon

She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun

Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star

One without a permanent scar

And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that she’s back from that soul vacation

Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey

She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo

Reminds me that there’s time to grow, hey, hey

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere

I’m afraid that she might think of me as plain ol’ jane

Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet

Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day

And head back to the milky way

And tell me, did venus blow your mind

Was it everything you wanted to find

And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken

Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you’re wrong

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone

ConversationThe best soy latte that you ever had . . . . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet

Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day

And head back toward the milky way

The end of the world and wad a smally world.

2006-03-01T02:01:00.000-08:00

I am so scared of dying. But then again, who isnt? When i sleep at night , i am afraid i will become like emily and get possessed and die. At night, I look out of the window and saw the moon SO BIG, and in my head I was thinking stupid stuff like, is it going to be armageddon? Hahaha.. Yeah dumb.. haha.. but I'm dumb bitch wad!! haha...

But if the world is going to end, I'll be really scared. but I would wanna be together with my family, regretting how i'd never wash enough plates or give any help for my mom and dad. I'll be wishing i had let my brother bully me some more or punch me some more. And I'd wish I could have avoided silly quarrels with you ming kiat. At the very end, I will want to be wrapped in your arms, like a KFC benitto, very tightly.

Actually, if i didnt have ming kiat, my life will probably remained shitty. I used to be rebellious and rude to my parents. I would shout at them," leave me alone!!! I hate you!!" and stuffs. I was juz childish and stupid to learn of my parents' love. well then this fat guy with LOADS of pimples rolled along when I went to the NTU alumni restaurant to work. Ya like every other BEAUTIFUL girls, I was ogled by...................................HIM of course. only him actually so let me just stay in my fantasy ok?

well, first day of work he just stared at me like he'd never seen a girl before. I came with 3 girls and they are SO SO SO SO SO SO much prettier than me. He juz stared at me. OKOK. It wasnt because i was attractive or anything. When i first started out with contact lenses my eyes weren't really accustomed to them so I looked a little "cocked eyed". BUT STILL!!!!! That couldn't be the reason why he stared like he hasn't seen a girl before right? I've asked him many times after we got together but he always said "beacause you are pretty." Like real. HOrrid boy.

The chasing part was pretty much simple. In fact too simple. All he had to do was juz to ask," will you be my girlfren?" . And all I did was just " eh. eh. er... erm... ah..... OK." That how we started.

I love him better when he was a pimply fat boy. so cute and NICE. So now he's gotten a lot thinner and looks cuter, he thinks he can try his luck and be such an ass. well, I'll love him anyhow. Lucky you, ming kiat.

DO YOU WANT TO - FRANZ FERDINARND

[ The guys who wanna make music so girls can dance! ]

When I woke up tonight I said I'm

Going to make somebody love me

I'm going to make somebody love me

Now I know

That it's you

You're lucky lucky you're so lucky!!

Well do you

Do you

Do you want to

Want to go where I'd never let you before

Well do you

Do you

Do you want to

Want a go of what I'd never let you before

Well he's a friend and he's so proud of you

He's a friend and I knew him before you

He's a friend and we're so proud of you

He's a friend and I blew him before you

Here we are at the Transmission party

I love your friends - they're all so arty

When I woke up tonight I said I'm
Going to make somebody love me
I'm going to make somebody love me
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
That it's you

You're lucky lucky you're so lucky!!!

Friends forever we shall be [ primary sch poem ]

2006-02-23T06:40:00.000-08:00

I still remember when i was in primary school, i was so in need for a close friend. there was this girl from china. She was new in class and i was kinda friendless. so i decided to befriend her. throughout the short friendship,( she left my sch when i was in pri 3 )she borrowed 20 over dollars and never returned. N POOF. all of a sudden she was juz gone. For a primary 2 student that 20 bucks was kinda big. Then i was friendless again. Was i that much of a weirdo that no one wants to be my friend??? zzz. in secondary sch, i had a better time. I met Shirleen. my best buddy. ( still kinda my best bud now. ) we sang N'sync's "bye bye bye" together. she liked christina aguilera and i liked britney spears.well, that was in secondary sch when britney n christina haven't change. we did so much nonsense until one day we sorta drifted apart cuz shirleen rather have more friends than juz 1. i should have done the same? zzz. i was an anti social girl. weird n nerdy. In sec 3 and 4, i had a small clique of gal pals. we went home together everyday cuz we lived in the same area. I remember our weird friendship was like a ham burger. I was the meat and they are the lettuce and bread. somehow, someone will feel left out. Now here I am, in poly, here we have, our stealth team!

stealth foreva............................

dun hound n haunt

2006-02-22T06:35:00.000-08:00

everyone owns a phone. and uses it excessively. except me maybe. But my freaking bill is still HUGE. I shouldn't carry a phone at all. I just need my boyfriend and his wonderful handphone. I GULTILY ADMIT : I never answer the phone when people call me!! everyone's fed up with me so they decided to stop calling me and call my boyfriend to contact me instead. Even my mom does that. seriously.. wad the hell?

I really gotta work hard.. mug. I was trying to study in JE library today... BUT i don't know almost everything!!! I only know how to do 1 question out of the whole paper. MAMA!!!!!

sii pan yan!!! Don't make me see you again next sem!

don't hound n haunt me, Mary.

pokka girl.

[ whats a blog for? to write all your feelings out right? but i cant cuz its not a diary n people will read!! DIARY's GOOD. ]

Virgin post

2006-02-21T08:34:00.000-08:00

hello hello to my family. The very first people who will read my blog. My ah maa and my big dick head. eh.sounds wrong. I dont have a big dick head. But i have a big dick head bro. I love my family!! It consists of my ah maa, my fat bastard bro, my big dick head bro, my adopted ah neh bro. each have their special ability. Fat bastard can jiggle his boobs. ah maa can eat like a vaccum cleaner. big dick head can make his eyes and nose damn big. the most special one is my ah nel bro. He can camoflauge in the dark. We all belong to the stealth team too. i am the leader of course!!!! Yuan yuan ah maa is the hot babe - jessica biel. Fat bas is the eddie - bad computer plane. BDH [ big dick head ] is your loyal servant. AH neh is our beloved R.I.P jamie foxx. Our family started out in the sem. our favourite teacher is CYC. he is a baldie n he always scold us. we love instru classes. wahahaha.

I LOVE STEALTH FAMILY.

OUT. pokka4eva.